Put Your Jokes Here

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31 Jul 2010 12:34 #572 by 928mac
Put Your Jokes Here was created by 928mac
Subject: Blonde Moment


A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.

We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"

She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one…” She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.

She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car, which had its hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"

She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there.

If you're not sure what a 710 is Click Here

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08 Aug 2010 11:31 #629 by 928mac
Replied by 928mac on topic Put Your Jokes Here

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08 Aug 2010 11:55 #630 by 928mac
Replied by 928mac on topic Put Your Jokes Here

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24 Aug 2010 23:40 #713 by 928mac
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27 Aug 2010 14:49 #761 by 928mac
Replied by 928mac on topic Put Your Jokes Here
PORSCHE
[SIZE=+1]Plenty Of Receipts. Sorry, Can't Have Everything
PLENTY OF REPAIRS SERVICE CAN'T HELP EVERYTHING
Proof Only Rich Snobby Children Have Everything
[/SIZE]

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27 Aug 2010 15:10 #763 by 928mac
Replied by 928mac on topic Put Your Jokes Here
A not-too-bright but beautiful blonde was driving home one night when she was caught in a terrible storm. The hailstones were as big as golf balls, and her car was dented badly.

Next day at the auto shop, a repairman decided to have a little fun at her expense. "To fix the dents in the body," he said, "drive home, park the car, and when the tailpipe is cool, get down on your knees and blow really hard into the tailpipe, and the dents will pop out.

Later, a girlfriend of the blonde is driving by and sees her friend on her knees, blowing hard into the tailpipe. She asks what's going on and is told the story. The girlfriend laughs. "Well, duhhh! You need to roll up the windows first, silly!"

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04 Oct 2010 15:23 #1509 by 911tracker85
Replied by 911tracker85 on topic Put Your Jokes Here
a blonde takes a dress to the cleaners.

she tells the guy behind the counter, "make sure you get the stain out."

"Come again" he replies.

"No, this time it is only icing.":eek:

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05 Oct 2010 10:22 #1531 by 928mac
Replied by 928mac on topic Put Your Jokes Here

a blonde takes a dress to the cleaners.

she tells the guy behind the counter, "make sure you get the stain out."

"Come again" he replies.

"No, this time it is only icing.":eek:



Thats awesome man. ha ha ha
I had forgot where I saw this joke, used it in the good morning thread, then had to replace it.
Been up all night

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05 Oct 2010 10:33 #1533 by 928mac
Replied by 928mac on topic Put Your Jokes Here
Murphy's wife borrowed his car and parked in the supermarket car park. Just as she came out laden with shopping, she saw a young lad break into the car, hot wire it and drive off. Naturally she reported the matter to the police.' What did he look like?, the sergeant asked. 'I don't know she replied, but I got the licence plate'.

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08 Oct 2010 07:03 #1594 by 911tracker85
Replied by 911tracker85 on topic Put Your Jokes Here
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.

There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest comes in.

"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."

The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."

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01 Oct 2011 17:17 #6343 by 928mac
Replied by 928mac on topic Put Your Jokes Here
A blonde buys a Coffee at Tim Horton's. So she rolls up the rim and starts screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"

The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a GMC Envoy." But the blonde keeps on screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"

Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome because we didn't have that as a prize!"

The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!" And she hands the cup to the manager and HE reads.....

..... "WIN A BAGEL".

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07 Dec 2011 16:20 #7306 by 928mac
Replied by 928mac on topic Put Your Jokes Here
What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

God drove Adam and Eve out of the garden in a fury

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07 Dec 2011 16:44 #7307 by 928mac
Replied by 928mac on topic Put Your Jokes Here
A Texas rancher was visiting a farmer in Israel. The proud Israeli showed him around. "Here is where I grow tomatoes, cucumbers, and squash. Over there I built a play set for my kids, next to the doghouse," the farmer said.

The land was tiny, and the Texan was surprised by its small size. "Is this all your land?" he asked.
"Yes," the Israeli said proudly. "This is all mine!"
"You mean this is it? This is all of it?" the Texan said incredulously.
"Yes, yes, this is really all mine!"

"Well, son," said the Texan, "back home I'd get in my car before the sun'd come up and I'd drive and drive and drive, and when the sun set, why, I'd only be halfway across my land!"

"Oh, yes," replied the Israeli farmer wistfully, "I used to have a car like that."

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